Connie Champagne
To Make a Long Story Short
By Tim Gaskin

Connie Champagne has been a treasured regular at impresario Marc Huestis’ Castro Theatre extravaganzas, sharing the stage with camp master John Waters and show biz legends Ann Miller and Debbie Reynolds, to name a few. In her spare time, Champagne also sings with the Mood Swing Orchestra and with vocal group, the Whoa Nellies.

What are you most known for? The shows I've been part of, probably
  
Where did your life begin? Conceived in Reno, born in Roseville
  
How old were you when you moved to San Francisco? 21
  
What is your idea of perfect happiness? In warm ocean water, floating
 
What is your greatest fear? Being homeless
 
Which historical figure do you most identify with? I wish I could say Oscar Wilde
 
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? not remembering people's names
 
What is your greatest extravagance? Restaurants
 
What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Piety
 
What is your favorite  journey? Anywhere on a train in Europe
 
What do you dislike most about your appearance? My hands
  
Which words or phrases do you most overuse? "To make a long story short..."
 
What is your greatest regret? Not spending enough time with my mother while she was well
 
What or who is the greatest love of your life? My mother
 
When and where were you happiest? On the beach in Maui
 
Which talent would you most like to have? To be able to fly...or perhaps a natural talent for ballet
  
What is your current state of mind? Optimistic
 
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I'd like to be as clever as my friends are
 
What do you consider your greatest achievement? Apart from surviving childhood, I don't think I've accomplished that yet
 
If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be? a philanthropist or a protected fish in the wild
 
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Intense regret
 
What is your favorite occupation? Criminal lawyer
 
What is your most marked characteristic? My laugh
 
What is the quality you most like in a man? Humor and kindness
 
What is the quality you most like in a woman? Same
 
Who are your favorite writers? John Fante, Caroline See, Tennessee Williams
 
Who is your favorite hero of fiction? Frankie Addams
 
Who are your heroes in real life? Donna Sachet!
 
What is it that you most dislike? Deliberate cruelty
 
How would you like to die? In my sleep
 
What is your motto? Glamour first, glamour last, glamour always!
 
What is your favorite word? Gamine
 
What is your least favorite word? Awesome
 
What turns you on? Aerosmith
 
What turns you off? The Charlie Daniels Band
 
What sound or noise do you love? An old, upright piano
 
What sound or noise do you hate? Lawn mower
 
What is your favorite curse word? Poop
 
What profession, other than yours, would you like to attempt? tour guide
 
What profession would you absolutely not like to participate in? Mercenary/contractor in the Middle East
 
If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Yep, they're all here, and they're happy to see you!
 
Finally, Do you have a shameless plug? Judy wants to sing on a gay cruise ship hire me!